I noticed the other day as I perused my IG and FB feeds that I apparently missed the latest super mom memo that has been circulating. This did not come as a surprise, since my self-imposed membership in that club expired ages ago. You may also have seen this new drudgery defying feat of the on-the-ball-mom and felt a bit out of the loop. Or maybe you are said Renaissance mom, in which case I applaud your awesomeness and declare my desire to be you when I grow up.
The back to school themed family dinner. Or breakfast. Or neighborhood party. Or all of the above.
Umm…did I just miss a new holiday?
Yeah, my kids had cold cereal on their first day back to school. And they had school lunch. And I may or may not have even been in the house to greet each one of them when they arrived home, let alone have a vegetable platter with greek yogurt dip and gluten free muffins waiting for their return. (In case there was some ambiguity in that statement, I did not have an after school snack ready for my precious ones. I imagined it, hoped for it…but somehow that superpower never rose to the surface.)
As much as I would have loved to prepare a creative tablescape with theme inspired menu items for dinner, things like this don’t happen around here much. There are two basic reasons for this, both of which were illustrated quite thoroughly this summer:
#1. A few weeks ago, Seth and I were invited to go boating with some friends for a couples date night. I grew up boating, but can now count on one hand the number of aquatic excursions I’ve been on since graduating high school. Being on the lake once again, the steady hum of engines in the distance, and the smell of vinyl seats and wet towels instantly transported my mind back.
Back to that time long ago when summer was the peak of childhood and teenage existence; when High School’s primary purpose, it seemed, was to fill up the time between those glorious months of hot skin, baby oil, volleyball sand always in the toes, and Alanis Morissette. Oh, how I cherished summertime. Life was so simple then. So different.
Now, instead of having only to worry about getting my violin practice time in without missing the optimal hours of bronzing sunlight in which to read my latest British Lit novel, my preoccupations wrest on structuring a summer exactly right in order to assure my plentiful progeny are productively occupied, satisfactorily entertained, and sufficiently fed for 90 days.
Straight.
With no breaks.
Did I mention five of them are boys, one of which has significant ADHD and another is, well…fifteen?
Yeah, no Mendelssohn, Bronte, or Hawaiin Tropic for me this summer!
My life is simply too busy for extra right now.
#2. As much as my subcutaneous propensity for perfectionism would cringe at my apparent poor performance with “back-to-school”, there is a deeper part of me that has recently emerged which I rather like. A part of me that is far less scornful. It is a somewhat novel, introspective approach to motherhood that has materialized mainly out of necessity these last few years as our family has grown, and grown, and grown. With time and energy at an ever increasing premium, it has basically been reduced to one simple question:
Does it really matter?
On Pinterest I see a plethora of patterns for baby girl dresses. My heart longs to dress my little love in a custom wardrobe that is as unique as she is. But does it really matter that she is wearing something that no other baby girl in the world is wearing? Might I use that time in a better way and just pick something acceptable out online?
I’m a little bored with my home decor. I would love to take a quick tour through Tai Pan and select a few new pretties to freshen things up a bit. But does it really matter if I currently love every square foot of my house right now? Is there something a little more pressing that we should be spending that $200 on? Should I really be taking time pushing a kid filled cart through a sea of clocks, candlesticks, and fake flowers or would it be better to be pushing my babies on the park swings or snuggle reading Dr. Seuss on the couch?
Our summer this year followed a similar template for minimizing superfluity. In summers past, I had attempted to create wonderfully memorable experiences for my children through a well structured schedule of activities. Monday-library. Tuesday-discover a new park day. Wednesday-book club. Thursday-pool day. Friday-field trip.
Oh, it worked swimmingly! For about two weeks. The trouble with these types of ambitions for me is that they are not only unsustainable and unrealistic (I mean, who is taking six kids ages 7 months to 15 years to an establishment requiring hushed voices and stillness??), but, from my experience, unyielding to what actually matters. I would be so invested in my own ideas and careful planning that there was little room for my children to create their own fun and their own memories, or for me to just enjoy my time with them.
So this year, we ditched the weekly schedule and, instead, structured our days here at home this way:
While I plucked this idea up from Pinterest (’cause I’m just not this clever), I did customize the requirements for our own family. I loved the straightforward, simple approach. This was an easy way to for us to encourage our kids to think, create, play, run, sweat, serve, relax, and enjoy the gift of time that they so anxiously yearned for all school year long. It also addressed the ubiquitous screen time battle, helping our kids to further focus in on what actually matters in life.
Of course we did also go on a plenty of adventures outside the home, but we played those more by ear than by a strict agenda. This resulted in quite a comfortably paced summer, even with the seemingly constant chaeffeuring of older kids to and from their commitments (tennis, orchestra, tennis, scouts, tennis, friends houses, tennis…). And instead of spending time planning endless activities, I was able to actually use the few minutes of “extra” time in a day just being with my cute ones.
Someday when baby girl has developed her gross motor skills a little more and my toddler tornado has lost some of his velocity, perhaps I shall spend some of my treasured time with a tub of Mod-podge and pretty patterned paper so that my kids can come home to fun surprises on the bonus-holidays like “back-to-school day”.
Or maybe…I’ll just sing a hymn and pray with them before they head out the door in the morning and give them a giant, warm hug when they return.
And I hope that just maybe, that might be okay:).
