Number Five, Naturally

I know.  I deserve to be scolded.  I have allowed almost three months to go by without a post.  I am an embarrassment to the blogging world.  However, I do have an excuse that I think just might suffice.  Perhaps this once…? 

Introducing boy #5…

In. Love.

We went in about 7:00 in the evening on April 4…

 …and he was born in the weeee hours of the following morning.

Can I just say a few words about this amazing man?  

I don’t know how I would have survived without him. To have him right there holding me, stroking my face through the most excruciating minutes of my life, assuring me everything would be okay…it was truly life saving.  How I love him!

What you intentionally do not see here are the in-between hours of sheer horror and misery that transpired as I labored through my most difficult natural birth to date.  It was so awful this time that I truly thought I might actually die.  I am not exaggerating.  Little man decided to turn himself as he was descending, thus initiating pre-mature pushing at only 8 cm dilation.  Yeah.  That hurts. When it was all over, I just wept into my husbands grasp, amazed and thankful to still be alive and to hear my baby’s cry. 

I am often asked why I choose to give birth naturally.  Many women who have never experienced it, and some who have, think perhaps it’s a little crazy given the modern world we live in.  I mean, why go through the pain when you don’t have to??  Honestly, it’s a valid question.  Our human nature is to avoid pain at all costs.  Our physical bodies have built-in mechanisms for combating and recovering from pain.  In most cases, pain is an indication that something is wrong and needs to be fixed.  So why would some women choose to not only welcome pain, but essentially invite this tormenting companion over for dinner, a movie, and a bed for the night!?  Do we have some unusual affinity for misery that the idea of suffering for hours on end gives us some form of elation that could only be explained if we had a definable psychological condition? Or perhaps we feel the need to prove something, that we are somehow superior to our female friends because we gave birth without medication?  How amazing are we !? 

Having experienced two medicated and three un-medicated deliveries, I decided I wanted to articulate my own personal reasons for having chosen to give birth naturally.  In doing so, I sincerely hope I give no offence.  I believe every birth, no matter the method, is an amazing, miraculous event and would never seek to diminish any other mother’s experience by claiming that one way is better than another.  

Like most women, with my first child I was so frightened of the unknown that a natural birth was not even an option.  Also, my baby was so large that my doctor suggested I not worry about “proving” myself to anyone.  Indeed he was large (9 lbs. 12 oz.) and ended up being induced at 40 weeks.  I labored, with epidural, for about sixteen hours and pushed for two and half. 

When my second child was born, I did not get an epidural until about two minutes before he came out.  This was not on purpose.  He was a month early, the onset of my labor pains were ambiguous at best, and when I did finally decide that the 90 seconds between contractions might indicate a need to make my way to the hospital, the nurses and mid-wives there had a decidedly different plan for my baby than he had for himself!  Because I wasn’t due for another month they tried to halt my progress, thus denying my requests for an epidural once things started to get more painful than I had planned for my Sunday afternoon.  After a couple of hours without success on their part, they finally relented and called for the anaesthesiologist. Literally two minutes after my shot, my 8.3-pounder was born.  Thanks.  A lot. At least I couldn’t feel the stitching up afterwards.  That was nice.  

And that was my last experience with a “medicated” delivery.

When my third child came, the decision to go unmedicated was purely monetary.  We had just moved to a new state and hadn’t yet purchased health insurance when we discovered that I was expecting.  So, in order to save a little cash, I took on the challenge.  After all, my second baby wasn’t really medicated, I thought.  After twelve hours of posterior labor (as opposed to the quick four with my second baby), boy did I learn what the difference even minimal bupivacaine potency makes when pushing out a human! It was a decision that entirely changed the way I looked at and thought about the whole birthing experience.  It changed my life.  I was hooked. 

What was it about that experience that made me want to do it again?  Here are the two reasons I chose natural birth for my next two children as well:

#1. To connect with my body and the birthing process. Our bodies are incredible.  They were created to reproduce.  I believe that the most sacred and sublime experiences we have the opportunity to experience as mortal women occur when we conceive and when we give birth.  Just as I desire to be fully engaged emotionally and physically during intimacy with my husband, I want to be 100% “present” when giving birth.  I want to feel that connection with my body, I want to experience the entire process.  For me, it is a deeply spiritual event that I don’t want to miss a single moment of. 

#2. This.

The moments after.

That immediate bond and indescribable feeling of relief, love, and joy that comes the second I hear his sweet cry and then hold him against my skin.

The feeling that this precious life that for nine months has been nourished and sustained by my own, that has felt my heartbeat pulse through his soul, has heard my every word, every laugh, every cry…

…is now in my arms.  I now feel his pulse, his skin on mine, his tiny hand grasping my fingers–I hear his whimper, his call for mother, his need for me.  This is joy incomparable.  For me, a greater joy than could have been felt if I had not just experienced such pain.

In other, more eloquently expressed words…

“Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.” (Alma 36:21)